Searching for the lights…..
Happiness is an outstanding agony of mine,
States where you hunt and got lost in time,
Questions all your worth and values,
Where did it go wrong?
I came across so many thoughts,
Deep into the night while closing my eyes,
If only tonight’s the last,
Why did the sun still wakes me up?
This is what you call a turning point, I guess?
I had been so optimistic of life,
“Life’s a party even when you’re alone,”
But now everyday is like a battle,
I woke up feeling like half of myself is gone,
Then I sleep wishing I’d never wake up…
Side note : These past few days had taken a toll on my life,completely. I never knew I would ever feel this way...like I feel so lost and depressed and to be honest, being at home always makes me feel so hard on myself and pessimistic just about everything.. I don't know whether it's because of the surrounding here or it's because I have so much times in my hands that I had so many wild thoughts in my mind, it's depressing but weirdly, sometimes I enjoyed having many thoughts cause in some ways, I feel wiser.....?but yeah these past few days have been so awful in my side but some days will get better,right? I mean, I definitely enjoy my alone time, my own space but there are days when it's just so much better with many people on my side like somehow, it makes me feel reassured that I wasn't all alone...That's probably one of many reasons why I like my days at college or schools.I feel so much happier because at least, I have people who shares same thoughts as mine and being busy and packed definitely helps in terms of keeping me away from all these wild and deep thoughts when I'm alone. But please note that I'm saying this just for a little relieve of a burden in me not a rant,not a hate, not a cry for sympathy and definitely not a complaint!! It's just a side of me having conversations with myself and telling myself it's okay to NOT be okay(how cliche can I be??!?)....
But okay, now that I'm writing this, I realize that my side note is much looooonger than my poem wth??!! yup, this is what I actually meant when I said I have so many thoughts whenever I'm alone....just look at how loooong my 'side note' is!!!!
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| me trying to be okay but internally crying inside:((( |
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